Sometimes it will hit me that I am done making babies and it makes me *really* sad. Other times I am so relieved I want to do a happy dance. These kids of mine! I know, I know.. the kid blogs get old. But they are such an intrinsic, important, ridiculously perpetual part of my life, I can't exactly help it. To ignore them, would be to ignore myself.
Aunica is energy on speed. Sam is a skinny little enigma. I get tired of them. I love them. I wish they would grow up. I wish they would stay young. I hope they rebel so I know they are becoming independent. I hope they are good so I don't have to deal with the drama. I don't want them to get hurt. I want them to learn from their own mistakes. I want to have them near me. I want my own space. I want to buy them everything. I don't want to spoil them. I want hugs. I don't want to catch their colds. I want them to be childlike. Won't they please be quiet? I want to spend time with their dad. I want them to have a good relationship with him too. I want to be a good home-maker. I hate housework. I love watching them play outside. There are so many dangerous things in the back yard. I can't wait to play tooth fairy. I wish Sam wouldn't lose his adorable baby teeth. I hope they are brave. I hope they are careful. I hope Sam stays this vulnerable. I wish he'd stand up for himself more.
I want more. I don't want more.